I’ve been spending a lot of time on Craigslist lately (looking for new places to live) and discovering all over again what a cultural studies goldmine that place is. The experience has put me in the mood to revive an old idea of mine — i.e. translating some of the choicest “Missed Connection” pleas/vague threats into reasonably objective discourse.
Expect to read these on a fairly regular basis from now on (they’re a lot quicker to write than my King Vidor posts!).
We’ll kick things off with a little gem from my current town of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada:
Our eyes met ar walnut grove pool this afternoon/evening….you are the tall gorgeous swim teacher…i was awkwardly flying down the slide with my two little neices and saw you there…we locked a few other times and shared a smile or two.. I hope to see those stunning eyes and long black hair one more time..
I hope the kid in your class gave you my note…if not ..maybe just maybe we will connect again.
If this person had any self-knowledge, the post might have gone a little something like this:
Walnut Grove Pool… You should probably find another job, because I’m never going to leave you alone – mstalkw – 23
I couldn’t help ogling you while you were trying to teach kids how to swim today. I’m a creepy, physically spastic uncle who often drags my adorable nieces to public places where it is acceptable to go semi-nude in an attempt to convince the women I see there that I’m good, solid boyfriend material. You shot me a few worried glances and nervous smiles, and this only served to stoke the fire of my one-way desire for your bikini clad bod. I also like your eyes and long black hair – I hope you don’t get that restraining order right away, ’cause I’d like to see ‘em again. Next time I’ll snap pictures so I can make you my screensave sweetheart.
Did you like the way I forced a little kid to mess with your pedagogic dynamic by getting him to treat you like a piece of meat instead of a figure to be respected and heeded? I’ve got a lot of other tricks like that up my sleeve, so don’t go getting comfortable, you hear?